As long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with accepting how I look. I’m sure when I was a kid I didn’t care and was perfectly happy, but I can’t remember those days. All I remember is anxiety, insecurities, and body image issues. Most days I would look in a mirror and instantly see something I hated. It was rarely the same thing for more than a few days. Some days it was my nose, others my mouth, and many days my eyebrows. Often it was everything, but my favourite days were when it was nothing, though those were more often just fleeting moments throughout the day that I could never hold onto.
My one constant throughout all of this, was that I hated my body. Some days I liked some parts, but mostly I just didn’t like it. I can’t remember when exactly this all started, but probably in grade seven or eight. I was always an anxious kid, from what I remember, so it only makes sense that I’d develop some body image issues too. Then again, who doesn’t? I don’t think I can name a single person that I know who doesn’t have body image issues.
A huge part of the reason that so many people have body image issues is because of the toxic environments we’re constantly thrown into. Obviously, social media comes to mind. All we see on social media are “perfect” people. No one posts their worst days or pictures online, so we only see them at their best, leading us to believe that we aren’t good enough. If you think about it, most of the people that you follow, on instagram, are celebrities, models, and influencers. People that are making money partially, if not completely, because of how they look. It’s no secret that most of them use some type of image enhancement, and they get hate for that. But the average person also photoshops their images to some degree more often than you’d think. When one of your friends does it, it’s because they are self conscious about something, but when a model does it, it’s because they are trying to promote false body ideals and unattainable goals. What if they just have insecurities too? They are seen as flawless, but they don’t always see themselves that way.
High school is another breeding ground for body image issues and insecurities. You’re trying to find yourself and express yourself, mostly in appearance, but you always think everyone else looks better. I used to walk into school, glance around, and feel so self-conscious. I would see these other girls who looked awesome and wish I could pull off what they were wearing, often even just sweatpants and a hoodie. I would sit down in class and notice the rolls in my stomach, everyone has them, but I took that as me being fat. This led me to wear baggy sweaters everyday, usually even when it was warm, not because of anyone else, but because I didn’t like how I looked. I thought I was fat and tried to hide that from myself. I wouldn’t eat until after I got home, and even then I wouldn’t eat much, and all because I didn’t fit the image in my head.
I have this friend who is super thin and always has been. She has a great metabolism and never put on weight, but she always thought she was fat. She would limit herself on what she was eating and insist that she was fat. I remember people coming up to me and asking me why she felt that way about herself. There were people who would complain to me about how she had no right to feel that way about herself or have body image issues. Her and I talked about this a month ago and what I had always told people when they said these things. Just because you see someone as perfect or how you want to be, doesn’t mean that’s how they see themselves. Body image issues aren’t always really fueled by how other people see you, it’s quite often how you see and compare yourself to others, and it’s all in your head.
With that being said, it’s hard to fix it and the insecurities are normal. You just have to be able to accept your body and own it. Men don’t need to live up to the muscular, clearly goes to the gym, body standard that society shows them. Women don’t need to live up to the super model standard society displays for them. No gender needs to live up to any standard. You are you and you aren’t meant to look exactly like someone else.
Socially Awkward 